(Today's list was originally published on April 5, 1999)
The Top 14 Signs You're Married to a Liberal
14> In your wedding vows, "love, honor, and cherish" were replaced with "legitimize, empower, and respect her reproductive freedom."
13> Pile of burned Ken Starr effigies in the back yard is starting to block the sun.
12> Supports Al Gore for President in 2000, but has no idea why.
11> After a poor performance in the bedroom, you find yourself enrolled in a federal program to correct your shortcomings.
10> To rectify years of persecution to women, she makes you wipe your own ass.
9> Misses your funeral to protest the harsh sentence given your killer.
8> You casually mention your "Euthanize the Homeless" idea
and -- BANG! -- no sex for a month.
7> What, the family budget is *BALANCED*? Quick, let's get
to the mall and buy something!
6> Insists his socks are not mismatched, they're "diverse."
5> He was a tireless advocate of gun control until the impeachment hearings started. Now he owns a rocket launcher.
4> At the height of passion, cries out, "Tax me!!!"
3> It's bad enough that he looks like an extra from "Deliverance"-- now he can't keep his loudmouth Cajun trap shut on those talk shows.
2> Constantly pelts your cats with ketchup, screeching, "Fur is murder!"
and the Number 1 Sign You're Married to a Liberal...
1> She's got the kids playing "Barbaric Imperialists and Innocent Native Americans" again.
The Top 14 Signs You're Married to a Liberal
14> In your wedding vows, "love, honor, and cherish" were replaced with "legitimize, empower, and respect her reproductive freedom."
13> Pile of burned Ken Starr effigies in the back yard is starting to block the sun.
12> Supports Al Gore for President in 2000, but has no idea why.
11> After a poor performance in the bedroom, you find yourself enrolled in a federal program to correct your shortcomings.
10> To rectify years of persecution to women, she makes you wipe your own ass.
9> Misses your funeral to protest the harsh sentence given your killer.
8> You casually mention your "Euthanize the Homeless" idea
and -- BANG! -- no sex for a month.
7> What, the family budget is *BALANCED*? Quick, let's get
to the mall and buy something!
6> Insists his socks are not mismatched, they're "diverse."
5> He was a tireless advocate of gun control until the impeachment hearings started. Now he owns a rocket launcher.
4> At the height of passion, cries out, "Tax me!!!"
3> It's bad enough that he looks like an extra from "Deliverance"-- now he can't keep his loudmouth Cajun trap shut on those talk shows.
2> Constantly pelts your cats with ketchup, screeching, "Fur is murder!"
and the Number 1 Sign You're Married to a Liberal...
1> She's got the kids playing "Barbaric Imperialists and Innocent Native Americans" again.
